Tuesday, December 23, 2008

When you have cancer you learn a lot about who your real friends are.

*begin rant*

It turned out I had a few. Ones that truly cared and didn't freak out and disappear on me. Some mere acquaintances surprised me and turned out to be something more. And some of my nearest and dearest turned to dust.

Aside from my wonderful husband and family, I had one friend that really went above and beyond. She put me in the tub and gave me baths when I didn't feel like bathing (and yet really needed to). She went to chemos and sat there while I slept. She listened to me bitch and moan and be a bitch. She asked the doctors questions and listened. She was there when I shaved my head. Hell, she took the first cuts (and we discovered she does NOT have a future in hairdressing). She made me want to be a better friend.

I know it can be weird and scary to deal with - you start to think about your own mortality et al, but seriously, would it have been that hard to drop someone a few emails? Many did... but again, now that I'm all better, I can't help but think of those who didn't. And I don't think it can ever be the same. Cancer changes the way you look at things, it makes you more sensitive and yet stronger simultaneously. You become an empathizer.

I never wanted people to look at me with pity (unless I was trying to guilt them with the cancer card). I just wanted to feel cared about, thought of. And when I tell people my story, I don't want to see that grimace. A nod, a smile, and a geniune "good for you" will suffice.

*end rant*

Sorry, that's been needing to come out for a while now.

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