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Friday, July 2, 2010

Motherhood

So I'm fairly new at this whole mommy business. About 11 days in actually. And it's friggin hard man. They don't tell you that. Or they do, but you don't really appreciate what they warn you about until you experience it firsthand. It's wonderful, but so difficult at the same time. No sleep. I hardly remember to eat. I'm pretty sure I smell, even though I am managing to fit in a 3 minute shower daily. Oh and the crying. It breaks your heart because you want to fix whatever it is that's wrong, but you have no clue what exactly that is. So you try everything hoping that it's one of the few you can (feed, change, cuddle, burp...). And sometimes, there's nothing wrong at all... they just want to cry! And I'm not exactly sure what I'm supposed to be doing, really. Is she really only supposed to eat, poop and sleep? I don't need to entertain her? I feel guilty feeding her and then trying to get her back to sleep, hoping to evade a cry-fest. I mean I'm sure outside life is a step up in the boredom scale from life inside a dark, damp uterus (nice visual, eh?) but surely she must need more? And is she getting enough food? I wish my boobs were see-thru so I could know for certain she's getting fed. Jesus, is motherhood really all about worrying?!

They tell me it gets easier. They also tell me that it will get harder before it gets easier. When I look at my sweet Gabriella I melt completely, and know that all the hard stuff is worth it. But I am starting to resemble a zombie.

8 comments:

JrzyMeeba1 said...

It's about pure survival at this point. There's very little entertaining you'll have to do for quite a while!! Eat/sleep/poop and repeat. Sadly, for new moms, it's sort of the same cycle! You're doing great.. try to sleep when she does, grab a granola bar when you can, and try to keep showering! :)

Katie said...

I totally understand! My son was born on 6/16/10 and he was so calm and content for the first week and a half. He would pretty much just eat/sleep, and we would try to do the same (though I have been lucky to eat one meal a day). The past week he has been more fussy, very gassy, and his sleep schedule is so off. He sleeps too much during the day and then wants to be up at night. Hence why I'm commenting at 2:51 in the morning! He also just wants to be held all.the.time.

I absolutely love my son, but it's true no one tells you how hard it will be! It is the hardest thing in the world, but so worth it at the same time. I truly believe it is just about surviving for the first couple of months until we figure each other out. Hang in there & know that you are not alone! Us new mommies have to stick together :)

SweetNiki said...

I felt the exact same way. Hang in there, it does get easier, I promise. And try to sleep when you can, it will help you keep your sanity!

Jenifer said...

Survival. Survival. Survival. It is so completely hard in the beginning. But do not worry you are not alone. I never ate, I never even thought about food and I barely had time to shower let alone sleep and my Husband was home with me the first 3 weeks. It gets easier. In the beginning you just need to learn their cries and cues and try to eat every now and then. Take care. And I love the name Gabriella. Good choice!

Wes, Kimi & Reid said...

I'm glad it's not just me who feels like they are drowning! I am either feeding him, pumping, changing him or giving him a few minutes of cuddling. It doesn't give much time for sleep, eating or showering. Oh and when I do have a second I take him to a lactation consultant to help with him nursing. It's crazy! I don't think you can really understand what it is going to be like until you have a baby. It's a good thing they are so cute and snuggily or no one would ever have children!

TV's Take said...

Congrats on your beautiful baby. Hang in there! Following you from As the Foreste Grows.

EMILY said...

I have been thinking about you! Congrats first off! I know, they always say it gets better, and even though you dont feel like it now, it does get better. I think the first 3 weeks were the worst for me.
I hope you are doing well, and come visit us when you have time :)

Kate In Love said...

Awww... she looks like she's doing fantastic! Theo and I can't wait to meet her. Gigi is our girl name too! But just Gigi, not short for anything. It was my grandma's name so it has a special place in my heart. Oh and I totally understand feeling nervous about the shot. I had to hold a baby down while we took blood and it broke my heart. They're just so tiny! Rest assured though, it hurts you more to watch than it does her. Well, Gabriella is just perfect, as we knew she would be!! Take care Mama.