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Monday, March 8, 2010

I've come a long way...

Two years ago, I was diagnosed with cancer on this very day. Two days before my 24th birthday. I can still remember that moment that morning, hearing the dr. tell me the news. It was supposedly somewhat good news, because Hodgkin's has a higher treatment success rate than non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, but all I could hear was cancer. I felt so stuck for so long, that all my plans and dreams would be put on hold to deal with "this" thing.

One of my first thoughts went to "Will I be able to have children?" I feared that it would not be possible. And here I am, 6 months pregnant, two years later. I can not express how blessed and in awe of life I am right now. I've gone from such a low point to such an incredibly high point. I'm not going to lament on the sadness of the past, but rather embrace the excitement and beauty of the present and future. Two years ago I could not imagine being on the other side; I just saw this massive mountain in front of me. Now I look back like it was a trip I took a long while ago. I feel so removed, so distanced. Sure there are souvenirs and reminders of that vacation all around me: scars, the still-growing-out hair, etc. but I really don't notice or think about them much anymore. I'm not bitter, or wounded, or anything like that. All I know is that's one destination I really never intend to return to, ever, ever again.

2 comments:

(¯'·.¸ ♥ мяs. gяiswoℓ∂ ♥¸.·'¯) said...

Wow, thats amazing. Your a stong woman and Im glad that things turn brighter for you and your husband. Its wonderful that you can look back and know that you survived something as scary as the big C and you are a loving wife and soon to be a beautiful mother who gets to watch her baby grow.

Wes and Kimi said...

It's amazing how far you have come and this little girl is going to be so lucky to have a mother like you that has been through so much. You can now do anything so this whole raising a baby thing should be a breeze...hopefully!!