So I had an ultrasound done today...
nope, not pregnant! Don't you worry, I'm not goin' there for a while! Anyhow, remember how I thought I had the flu? Yeah, not so much. The calf pain got so bad, coupled with my recurring fever, that DH took me to urgent care this morning. They took one look at my bulging leg and told me to hightail it to the emergency room for some testing, because guess what - it looks like deep vein thrombosis (fml, I freaked myself out about that one from googling already)! They ran some bloodwork and did an ultrasound on my leg, and about 7 hours later decided it looks like cellulitis - a really awesome term for an infection that requires me to take antibiotics. MUCH better than the whole DVT thing - which a really thoughtful nurse felt the need to tell me could so lead to death if the clot gets dislodged and goes to my lungs! Yeah I felt like a ticking time bomb the whole day.
So the course of action is 5 days of antibiotics, which = 5 days of no breastfeeding. My freezer stash already has been depleted from me being sick, and then being gone all day at the hospital. I've got like 2 servings left. Enter formula.
Ahh the other F word. G has not had a drop of anything besides breastmilk (ok and mylecon, her vitamins and tylenol). But no formula! I have taken such pride in breastfeeding Gigi for the last 4 months. I've loved it. The bonding is beyond words, and I always had that tiny dreaded feeling of it coming to an end eventually. I set myself a goal of at least 6 months that I was adamant about sticking to. And now I have to introduce this foreign interloper into her diet?!
Now I don't want it to come across as if I'm being judgmental about formula-feeding mamas - I'm not. I've just felt so strongly about nursing my daughter and have become so attached to it. It's definitely challenging at first, and sure, there have been plenty of times when I've thought it would be so much easier to be able to have someone else feed her at 3 a.m. But that's the whole point - I was sacrificing myself for what was best for my baby. It's been the most valuable lesson in selflessness I've had in my life. And I wouldn't trade it for anything.
I'm planning on pumping and dumping for the next week, and she's going to have herself some formula now. I gave her her first bottle of it tonight, and I thought for sure she would hate me for it (sure, I'm nuts). I honestly don't think she could tell the difference! I was paranoid and thought she was purposely not looking at me because of this great injustice I was doing to her, but then I remembered how much she loves staring at recessed lighting, so that could have explained the ignoring of mama. I'm hoping to go right back to bf-ing in a week. Unless of course formula magically makes her start sleeping through the night. Then I may have to rethink things. A little.