Getting Me Back

That day is here again. March 8. It's been 3 years since the diagnosis hit, and every year on this day I stop short in my tracks and think about what happened with my life. 3 years ago today, I was afraid for my life. I feared the worst, and it felt like I lost control over everything. 2 years ago, I just wanted my hair to grow back already. Despite that being a constant reminder of the hellishness of the year before, I was healthy and I felt the need to celebrate. I wanted to get back the carefree, happy birthday I had planned for the year before, and I did. Last year, I felt like the most lucky girl in the world. I was expecting my baby girl, and just felt this awe over how a brand new, little life was growing inside me. Two years before, I didn't even know if I could ever even have children, and here I was 6 months pregnant, feeling healthier and stronger than ever.

And here I am today! I have the most amazing little girl. She has made our lives - I can just stop there, no need for adjectives. She has made our lives. Talk about an Oprah full circle moment!

But today I'm doing one last thing for me. I have my health, and my dreams have become reality, but there's just one little thing that's still not quite there.

My hair.

I mean, isn't this what it's really all about? Losing my hair was actually one of the worst parts of the whole cancer ordeal. I felt so ugly and self-conscious, and the damage stayed for years. It's finally, just now at a length that I feel is "normal", and today, I'm taking the plunge and going back to blonde. I'm excited, nervous, and all kinds of emotional about it. In written word, it seems so so trivial and borderline ridiculous, but for me, this is huge. This is me getting control back over myself, my body. I've been able to lose 10% of my body weight already, which feels so empowering. Now I can reward myself with something that I've wanted for a long time. It was taken from me, and now I'm getting it back. What better day to do it than today, 3 years later? I'm finally getting back to ME.

::cue freakout::